Honoring My Mother, Her Struggles… Domestic Abuse

I lost my mother on December 28th of this past year. It has been really hard and has shaken me in ways I never knew I could be shaken. Death isn’t new, but this is the closest one to me, death has always impacted me, but this shattered my world. My mother and I had a special bond, one that could only be forged by many struggles, survival, and deep love. My mother suffered a long-life of pain, abuse, and neglect. I feel this deep need to honor my mother through sharing her experiences as best I can, starting with one I see visually often…

I still walk through this memory as if I was 4 again, listening to the screams and the shouts for help, the confusion and terror… That day like many days around that time, I was coming in from running around and playing outside enjoying the break from adults and just being a kid playing and having fun. My little sister was a baby and sleeping in her crib, my mom was in there cleaning and Steve was out drinking… It was a normal night, until it wasn’t… I was done playing with the kids in my neighborhood in the field behind our trailers and was ready to go home.

Today, I still am haunted by the screams, not only the screams, but the confusion, the terror, and the anxiety… The image of what I saw that day has stayed and deeply impacted me. Words cannot explain the feeling a 4 year old boy gets when he sees his mom once again at the hands of abuse and terrified she is going to die! I still get immense anxiety and cry, as I am now when remembering, this is something I have buried for too long and now won’t stay… I remember so visually her lying on the bed almost lifeless, trying with every ounce of her to survive, my instincts took over, I grabbed a glass ashtray and slammed it against his head knocking him unconscious, I immediately grabbed my sister and ran next door to his brothers trailer for help.

I still hear our cries as my sister and I sat there waiting on the police and ambulance, not knowing if my mom was okay… It is an experience I am grateful she doesn’t remember, that burden was my mothers and mine, a bond we shared from a tragic experience. I wish I could say that was it, that my mom, my sister and I found a happy ending after that, but that would not be my life, there is a happy ending, but one that took many more struggles to get there…

My mother was a very strong woman, but even strong people can become victims. If anyone is suffering from abuse today, please run, get help and get out of that situation! I am living proof that escaping can save your children, both my sister and I are very successful in life and have great families, so you can turn your child’s and your fortune around, but you have to leave! Please do not face the same suffering me and my mother went through!

If you or someone you know is suffering from domestic abuse please visit: https://www.thehotline.org/